Things that make me irrationally angry

  • People who assume I’m good at maths because I’m Asian
  • Getting stuck behind someone who walks really slowly
  • Stubbing my toe!
  • People who try to talk to me when they can clearly see I’m on the phone
  • Illegible CAPTCHA spam filters
  • My husband putting empty cartons back in the fridge

All of those have happened to me today. Some of them multiple times, even! Wednesday, why do you hate me so?

I feel a little better for being able to get some of that off my chest. It’s now evening and I can relax!

What makes you irrationally angry?



i’m at a loss here for what to do.

on the weekends, tae doesn’t like to go out. she prefers to stay home and hang out with me. for the past three weekends, we have gone out in the car exactly TWO times. she is ok with walking to gymnastics and going to get coffee, but other than that, she apparently loathes going out. she has me only slightly wrapped around her little finger – what am i supposed to do when she says, “i just want to stay here and hang out with you because i looove you!”

so that’s the first problem – i don’t know how to get her out of the house on the weekends. my hunch is that i need to plan ahead more, build in more routines – since she is fine going to gymnastics on sundays, and she is fine leaving the house during the week.

here’s the second problem – she doesn’t nap. she has never really napped without going out in the car or in the stroller. so yesterday, after giving her 30 minutes to mentally prepare, we left for the grocery store. and as we drove home, she started to zone out, and by the time we got home at 4pm, she was conked out.

napping at 4pm is always kind of awkward, so i decided to give it a shot and tried to wake her up at 6pm. i offered her snacks, playing, music, everything… and she just faded right back to sleep, and finally asked for her pajamas at 7:30pm.

this was not a good sign. i got in bed around 10:30pm, anticipating an early morning. but nothing could have prepared me for what happened at 2:45am. 2:45am (mind you, this is after she had me up fetching her food between 1:30am and 2:30am – this is always a precursor to waking up for her.)

“mommy, i want to get up. mommy, come play!”

next, i feel little hands under my neck and back – she was trying to physically lift me up. next, she is smothering me with kisses. “mommy, it’s wake up time.”

that was at 3:00am. she read to her self for about 20 minutes (oh the irony, in my semi-delusional state, i heard her reciting “don’t let the pigeon stay up late!”), and then played around with my ipod for another 10. and at 3:30am, she was up, and i was up.

after playing for 4 hours, she was ready to go to school at 7:30am. her teacher was a little surprised to see us, since we typically arrive at like 9:00am.

i am so wide awake now, but we’ll see how i am at 3pm. YAWN.

what’s normal, anyway?

so if there’s one thing that i’ve learned as a parent, it’s that normal is very loosely defined. drinking a gallon of milk every 4 days? normal by me. not sleeping through the night at age 2.5? normal by me. 24 pounds by age three? normal by me.

but one thing that i don’t know how to place on the scale of normalcy is tae’s recent obsession with me coming back.

every day, 20, 30, 40 times a day: “why mommy come back for tae at school?”

i get variations too: “why mommy cat come back for tae cat at school?” “why mommy dog come back for tae dog at school?” “why mommy turtle come back for tae turtle at school?” “why mommy rabbit come back for tae rabbit at school?”

is this normal?

and now, not only does she ask me, but we are re-enacting the whole process. we do pretend morning good-byes, and pretend re-enactment reunions. and now, we also do the same thing, with our roles reversed! tae will tell me, “you’re the tae, and i’m the mommy.” and will proceed to do everything i do in the morning, and then tell me that she is going to work, and walk away from me (being tae, acting sad, missing my mommy) with a straight face. and then she comes back. and asks me why she came back.

i know that going to school is a huge deal in her life – she’s never gone to day care or spent time with non-family members like that before. but part of me wonders if this is normal i-just-started-school behavior or if this is reflective of other things going on in our lives.

what’s your take? normal or not? should i be worried? or taking on different strategies?

running away

somehow, my life, my time, seems to be running away from me. i can never catch up it seems, with the laundry, with new blog posts, with new blog posts i should write, with the groceries, with everything.

i am eternally behind.

i meant to post a recap of our trip to nyc this weekend, and about the apia spoken word summit which rocked our socks. i meant to post a thoughtful response to daddy in a strange land’s post about race in the blogosphere. i mean to do a lot of things.

tae has stopped napping at school, which means that she conks out in the car on the drive home. unless i pump her full of food before we leave, she’ll often wake up around midnightish asking for juice and smoothies and peel cheese. that she goes to be at 6:30pm may seem to be a blessing, but when you run out of smoothies and your daughter drinks about 3 of them daily, things can get a little out of control. when you miss spending time with your baby and it seems like her teachers get to see more of her than you do.

tae’s most frequent line of questioning goes something like this these days:

T: why mommy come back for tae at school?
M: because i’m your mommy, and i always come back.
T: why?
M: because we’re family.
T: i feel sad.
M: why?
T: because i miss my mommy.
M: why do you miss your mommy?
T: because i love my mommy. why tae hugging mommy?
M: because tae loves mommy and mommy loves tae.
T: why mommy and tae love each other?
M: because we’re family.

sometimes i can’t believe that i’m having this conversation with my baby, with my daughter. i don’t want my time to runaway from me, lest i miss one precious moment of this.